Healthy Families of Healthy Churches

8 minutes to read

Christians are disciples (Acts 11:26). This ministry of discipleship — teaching and training people to follow Jesus — is entrusted to the church. However, the church’s discipleship extends beyond the ‘spiritual’ things and reaches even into our everyday lives, including how we live as families. It is no surprise, therefore, that the New Testament epistles have several direct instructions to the members of families concerning their duties to each other.

When this ministry of discipling families is carried out faithfully by the church, it not only blesses the families of the church but also contributes to the overall health of the church.

The Church Builds Healthy Families
The ministry of discipling families happens in several ways. One such way is when older, spiritually mature men and women of the church intentionally invest in younger families. These older families invite the younger families into their lives, allowing the young family to observe and seek counsel in raising a godly family. Furthermore, this discipling relationship provides opportunities to talk about personal struggles faced by the families, how they are to persevere in their marriages and parenting by the power of the Spirit through the Word of God. This ministry must be particularly modelled by the elders of the church.

This kind of personal discipleship flourishes when it is founded first on the ordinary but powerful ministry of the public preaching and teaching of God's Word. The duties of husbands and wives, fathers, mothers, and children, should be clearly taught from the Word of God. The ministers of God are to incisively apply these truths to the lives of the families of the church. Such careful application happens effectively when the pastors of the church have a personal and keen knowledge of the spiritual state of the families in the church.

But, such careful discipleship sometimes can overreach into the lives of the families of the church, posing a threat to their Christian liberty. This happens when the church micromanages the lives of her members, scrutinises and controls the family’s budget, dictates their weekly rhythms, or even commands obedience to the older families or the elders of the church in areas of indifference. The church, therefore,  must be mindful of the boundaries of her authority, trusting in the Lord to guide families through prayerful wisdom.

Neither the church nor her leaders should use their God-given authority to lord it over the lives of her members. Their authority stops where the Bible stops and anything beyond that is to take the place of Jesus as Lord in the lives of these families. But to stop where the Bible stops is also to place confidence in the Spirit to lead these families to live godly lives through the Word that was ministered to them. It is to fight against the temptation to control the lives of the church members by entrusting them in prayer to the Lord’s hands for Him to lead them in paths of wisdom and righteousness. Some examples may help illustrate this.

While a church can and should teach her members not to fall into debt by taking on exorbitant loans, they cannot compel or prevent a family from taking loans. Though the family may suffer in the long run because of their bad financial decisions, the church ought not to use her authority to stop the family from carrying out such decisions. Though the intent may be good and justified, this would be a misuse of the church’s authority in the lives of families. The accountability of the family’s decision before God ultimately falls not on the church but on the man of the house – the husband. 

Another example may also help. There are great spiritual (and therefore, eternal) blessings of living close to other members of the church. A member living far from the church cannot meaningfully involve in the life of the church during the week. It also makes the shepherding ministry of the elders towards them difficult. Now, certainly, the church and her elders should speak about the ill-effects of being far from the church and the benefits of living in proximity to the church to those desiring to relocate to a faraway residence. But if a member in good standing nevertheless shifts to a place far from the church, the church ought not to be disdainful towards them or use her authority to discipline them. And the pastors should not have a change of attitude towards such members — neither diminishing in love nor refusing to minister to them simply because they did not heed their suggestions and moved far from the church.

However, in instances of failing the duties required by Scripture — a man failing to provide for his family, a wife refusing to respect and submit to her husband, a father mercilessly beating his children, a mother neglecting the care of the home, children being undisciplined, etc. — these should be taken seriously and the church must exercise her authority to not only correct the families but also help the families pattern their lives after the biblical principles.

Healthy Families Build Healthy Churches
When the families of the church are discipled to be spiritually healthy, it has a reverberating effect on the rest of the church. These families welcome unmarried young men and women into their everyday lives for the purpose of discipleship. The young men and women observe for themselves, learning firsthand what biblical manhood and womanhood look like through these healthy families of the church. This is a vital ministry of healthy families because of the corrupting influence of the world that increasingly confuses and conflates the God-given identity of men and women thereby even distorting the biblical design of a family.

Furthermore, having integrated the singles into their own families, these families make deliberate efforts to have these young men and women marry well in the Lord by prayerfully seeking spouses for them. The healthy families of the church shape the ideas and expectations of the singles with God’s Word against the influence of the world, culture, peers, or even unbiblical expectations of extended family. This would especially be necessary if these men and women have been forsaken by their families because of their Christian faith, having to fend for themselves, particularly concerning marriage.

When healthy families abound in the church, biblical masculinity becomes the expected norm for the men of the church. This in turn makes the women and children thrive. When the men of the church are discipled to be godly husbands and fathers, they take seriously their duty to disciple their wives and children. They also seek to imitate the patterns of manliness taught by Scripture in being godly, hardworking, expressively affectionate towards their wives and intentionally involved in the lives of their children. In response to their husbands’ imitation of Christ, the wives also would strive after godliness, being homemakers, greatly admiring their husbands, and diligently raising their children.

The children of the church would also be actively discipled when the families of the church are spiritually healthy. The parents, who themselves love Jesus and are following Him, make the gospel central to their homes. The Word and work of Jesus directly or indirectly shape the conversations, activities, and even the everyday rhythms of the family. This gospel influence is carried over into relationships with other families of the church. Conversations of joy, sorrow, and counsel on raising their children in the fear and knowledge of God would be a normal part of the conversations amongst the families. This helps cultivate deep friendships amongst members because it is based on eternal realities. In a culture that is increasingly blurring the lines between men and women, and devaluing the worth of children, the church with healthy families would be a beacon of sanity because of their commitment to not merely preach but practise biblical Christianity.

Spiritually healthy families also raise up godly leaders for the church and missions. Scripture teaches that the elders and deacons are to have well-ordered families. Families being discipled produce a steady stream of men who are committed to the well-being of their families. These men whose families are in order can be trained further to be ministers and servants of the church, even being sent by the church to plant new churches with the recognition and commendation of the church.

Ultimately, the greatest blessing of having healthy families in the church is that Christ is honoured and glorified in the church. When the families of the church are committed to following Christ in every area of their lives, the inevitable outcome is that the church becomes a living example of absolute commitment to honouring Jesus and bringing glory to His name in the world. When the households of the church have set their hearts on honouring God by following Jesus, the household of God is adorned by the Spirit to shine beautifully in the world.