God’s Blueprint for a Godly Family

9 minutes to read

A blueprint is a guide for constructing something — it's a design or pattern that can be followed. Want to build the best house? Draw up a blueprint and adhere to the design carefully.

In its literal sense, a blueprint is a detailed plan printed on blue paper, traditionally used for constructing buildings. However, the concept of a blueprint extends beyond architecture to encompass strategic planning in various areas of life. For example, a business plan can be seen as a blueprint for achieving profitability. Religions or philosophies offer blueprints for guiding one's way of living. A blueprint, thus, serves as a guide to help you know what steps to take. In the same way, God has designed a blueprint for the family, the church, and the government.

There are three key observations I would like to make about God’s blueprint for the family:

1. Authority:
One defining characteristic shared by all three institutions—the family, the church, and the government—is authority. Each has its own God-ordained structure of authority, with God being sovereign over all. For example, the king is the authority over the government, the elders hold authority within the church, and the father is the authority within the family. These structures are vital for maintaining order and fulfilling God's purpose for each institution.

Authority without love distorts the very purpose of these institutions.

2. Love:
In both the church and the family, God has designed these institutions to function in a posture of love—towards Him and towards one another. Authority without love distorts the very purpose of these institutions. A family or a church that operates under authority but lacks love will not flourish according to God’s design. Imagine a family where children are disciplined but not loved; such children would likely grow up emotionally scarred and psychologically damaged. Love, therefore, is a critical component of God’s blueprint for families, ensuring that discipline and guidance are rooted in care and compassion.

3. Training ground:
The family, as the smallest of the three institutions, is headed by the father, followed by the mother, who submits to her husband's authority. Under them are the children, who submit to both parents. The family is not only the smallest unit but also the foundational one, created by God before both the church and government. These two realities have far-reaching implications for both the church and society. If families are unhealthy, the church and society will likewise be unhealthy. Conversely, healthy families will lead to healthier churches and stronger societies. 

Another way to say it is that families serve as the ‘nursery’ for both the church and society. Just as plants in a nursery are tended to carefully until they are ready to be transplanted into a more permanent setting, the family nurtures children in a context of loving authority. Here, children learn submission, love, and discipline before being ‘transplanted’ into church membership (if they are truly converted) and into society as law-abiding citizens. If they are not healthy within the family, they won’t thrive once they step into the church or broader society.

God’s Blueprint for the Husband-Wife Relationship

Husbands - For the Husband to love his wife like Christ loves the Church:
Eph. 5:25-33 gives God’s blueprint for husbands:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendour, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

God’s design for the family calls husbands to imitate Christ’s self-giving love, seeking the good of their wives just as Christ seeks the good of the Church. A husband is tasked with caring for his wife by helping her grow in holiness, primarily through the application of God’s Word, with the ultimate goal of her spiritual glorification—being holy and blameless before God.

In God's blueprint for marriage, the wife’s body is to be cherished as an extension of the husband’s own body, making her as dear to him as his own flesh. When a husband loves his wife, it brings mutual benefit: “He who loves his wife loves himself.” This principle implies that marriage is a relationship where both individuals are edified and blessed. A crucial aspect of this love is prioritising one’s wife above even one’s parents—a practice that, unfortunately, is often overlooked in many Indian cultures, where familial obligations can take precedence over the marital bond. However, God’s design clearly emphasises the centrality of the marital relationship in the family structure.

Wife - For the Wife to submit to the leadership of her husband:
Eph. 5:22-24 gives God’s blueprint for wives:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Although the wife is equal to her husband in value and dignity, God has designed distinct roles within the family. The husband is appointed as the head of the wife, which makes it necessary for her to submit to his leadership. However, this submission is not rooted in inferiority or oppression, but in love and order.

This principle implies that marriage is a relationship where both individuals are edified and blessed.

In God’s blueprint for marriage, the wife’s submission is done voluntarily, motivated by love. It is not blind obedience. God sets limits on this submission—“as unto the Lord”—which means that if the husband asks his wife to do something contrary to Christ's will, she must refuse, as her ultimate loyalty is to the Lord. In this way, the wife reflects the role of the church in its submission to Christ, following the leadership of her husband in love, while maintaining her higher allegiance to Christ.

God’s Blueprint for Parent-Children Relationship

Children - For the children to be obedient to their parents
Eph. 6:1-3 gives God’s blueprint for children:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 

Obedience of children:
Obedience is a central aspect of God’s blueprint for children. It is one of the most challenging commands for them to follow, as it is embedded in the 5th commandment: "Honour your father and mother." This command emphasises that children are under the authority of their parents, who have the God-given responsibility to guide and correct them.

Honouring Parents in the Lord:
In addition to obedience, children are called to honour their parents. This honour involves both an internal attitude of respect and an outward expression of submission. True honouring means that children not only obey their parents but also hold them in high regard, reflecting the respect and reverence that God intends for family relationships. But, as with all earthly relationships, God sets the limits on this obedience.“Children, obey in the Lord”—which means that if the parents require their children to obey in ways contrary to Christ's will, they must respectfully refuse to submit since their ultimate loyalty is to the Lord. In this way, the children do right in obeying their parents yet doing so because of their higher allegiance to Christ.

Parents - For the parents to be responsible towards their children:
Eph. 6:4 gives God’s blueprint for parents:

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Parents can sometimes exercise authority either too harshly or too leniently, leading to negative outcomes for their children. Harsh authority can provoke children to anger and exasperation, hindering their growth and well-being. This serves as a warning, especially to fathers, who are to reflect God’s fatherly love and discipline. Discipline without love can portray God as abusive and unloving, thus going against God’s blueprint. On the other hand, love without discipline can lead to spoiled children who are easily provoked. This imbalance can also misrepresent God, suggesting that He is indifferent and unconcerned with correcting His children. Thus, a balanced approach is crucial to reflect God’s loving and just character in parenting.

Conclusion
In summary, God has crafted the institution of the family with a specific blueprint and purpose for each member. Authority structures are designed to function within a framework of loving relationships, with the ultimate relationship being with God Himself. Each member’s responsibilities are intended to be appropriately demanding—not too much nor too little—reflecting God’s perfect design for family life. This balance ensures that if you find yourself with excessive free time as a father, mother, parent, or child, you may not be fully engaged in your responsibilities. God blesses those who diligently fulfil their callings. 

The family unit is designed to reflect greater eternal truths about God. While our sinful tendencies may distort God's perfect design, His grace is always available to us through the gospel. Thanks to Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross and His resurrection, we are empowered to live in a way that pleases God, out of gratitude for our salvation. By dying to self and serving one another in the family with reverence for Christ, we align with God’s intended blueprint. If you have failed or struggled to adhere to this design in your own family, there is hope. Repent of your sin and ask God for the strength to live according to His plan, and He will faithfully provide the grace needed to fulfil your role as the family member He created you to be.