Cultivating Physical Intimacy In Your Marriage – Part 2

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As we come to the end of this series, let us consider a few things about physical intimacy. 

First, a good physical relationship that is mutually satisfying is based on a good spiritual relationship. To the degree that you are growing together in your relationship with God, one heart and one mind to that degree, you may know a greater degree of blessing in the context of your marriage and your physical life.

Second, men, don’t seek your own desires. Deny yourself to seek your wife’s fulfilment. There are many, many wives that have never had physical fulfilment or consistent orgasms in their sexual life with their husbands. And it’s because of the husband’s either ignorance, neglect, or selfishness and just seeks very quickly to satisfy himself, leaving his wife frustrated, unfulfilled, and at times embittered and resentful. This happens because you demand so quickly in the evening, what you don’t give to her all through the day. And many men have absolutely no idea how to do that. Don’t be rough, insensitive, harsh or cold, towards your wife. Don’t force yourself upon your wife physically. Don’t demand your own way. If you haven’t paid the price to lay the foundation of spiritual unity and romantic affection, you have got to take a physical relationship slowly.

As I said, men can be easily satisfied in a matter of seconds. But a woman is not like that. It’s emotional, mental and spiritual. And it’s a wise loving husband that knows how to gently and tenderly and sacrificially care for his wife so that she has physical fulfilment in marriage. Don’t treat her harshly. You come up behind her while she’s washing the dishes and you grab her on her buttocks—that doesn’t make her excited. You all of a sudden grab and squeeze her breast and say something suggestive in her ear at the end of the day when she’s totally and completely exhausted—that doesn’t satisfy her. You have to have gentleness and tenderness and sensitivity toward your wife if you expect a blessing in the context of your marriage physically.

Most men say, “I’m satisfied by my physical relationship with my wife, I grade it 100%.” But if your wife were honest, and she may say, “Well, I grade it about 5 or 10%” Because she lays there like a sack of potatoes unfulfilled while you satisfy yourself very quickly, and be done with it. And she never ever knows what it means to have a degree of sexual release so that her emotional, physical and spiritual blessing is understood.

Let me ask you one of the questions men and I won’t go much further than this. Do you understand your wife’s physical anatomy? Do you understand that your wife has been built by God and he has wired into your wife and placed into her body certain parts that are peculiarly and solely for the purpose of stimulating sexual desire and fulfilment? Do you know how to gently, kindly, patiently, graciously, sacrificially play the sensitive violin so that it makes a beautiful sound? And when you become more satisfied with your own wife’s physical satisfaction, than you do with your own satisfaction then you’ll be learning something about loving your wife as Christ loves the church. Do you understand how to minister to your wives physically?

I have counselled many, many husbands and wives. And more often than not, many wives tell me weeping in the presence of their husband, that they’ve never had true physical satisfaction or sexual climax because their husband has not known how to care for them, and how to love them, and how to skillfully minister to them so that they have a mutually satisfying physical relationship. This is not a biology class. This is a biblical class. If I ever get a chance to meet some of you again face to face, I can go into more detail.

But pay attention: the greatest blessing God ever gave you outside of salvation is supposed to be your wife. And you have the great privilege to lead her spiritually, to love her romantically and to satisfy her physically. Do you know how to do those things? Are you doing those things?

My prayer for each one of you is that God would help you to be an example to the world, and to be an example to your wife, and to make sure that she is cared for spiritually, loved romantically and satisfied physically. Don’t seek your own selfish gratification at the expense of neglecting your wife’s emotional, spiritual, mental and physical needs. Your wife is capable of having unusual physical and sexual satisfaction. But most men are totally ignorant as to how to help their wives have that experience. My prayer is that God would help each one of you. Even when you’re 70 years old and not necessarily quite as passionate as you used to be, you can still be deeply spiritually bound up with your wife, bringing her along spiritually, so that she becomes a woman of God.

What does it profit for a man if he builds the biggest church in the world and plants them all over India if he neglects and loses his wife’s affection? And she simply goes through the motions as a burned-out shell that has been used and abused rather than loved and cared for? I pray God would give each one of you the grace, to lead, to love, and to satisfy your wife.

There was once a famous movie star. And with this, I will close, who starred in many roles as a wonderful romantic lover in America. And in his older age, they asked him, ‘What does it take and what does it mean to be a good lover?’ He said a truly good lover is a man who can satisfy one woman emotionally, mentally and physically for all of her life. That is a true lover. My prayer is that God would make you true lovers.


This article is the transcript of the talk by Brother Andy H. in the meeting held in October 2021 entitled ‘The Pastor And His Marriage’.

Please click here to read Part 1 of the article on ‘Don’t Neglect Your Wife’ by Bro. Andy H.
Please click here to read Part 2 of the article on ‘Your Wife’s Identity And Ultimate Purpose’ by Bro. Andy H.
Please click here to read Part 3 of the article on ‘Cultivating Spiritual Unity In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Bro. Andy H.
Please click here to read Part 4 of the article on ‘Cultivating Spiritual Unity In Your Marriage – Part 2 by Bro. Andy H.
Please click here to read Part 5 of the article on ‘Cultivating Romantic Affection In Your Marriage’ by Bro. Andy H.
Please click here to read Part 6 of the article on ‘Cultivating Physical Intimacy In Your Marriage – Part 1 by Bro. Andy H.

Pastor and his marriage6
Cultivating Physical Intimacy In Your Marriage – Part 1

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Healthy Churches Seminar – Mumbai 2022